Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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