Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
