I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
