You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
