I just threw up on my dentist
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
