it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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