I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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