Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
