So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
