Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A+ Viking dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
