Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
