I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
