I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
