What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
