Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
