my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
