Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
