did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
