true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
