he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
