She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
