just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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