Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
