So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I still have a little drunk in my system
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
