What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
