so that wasnt chicken after all
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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