Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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