so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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