One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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