awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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