i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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