I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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