i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you never un-have a 4some
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
