i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
