My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
