Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
