I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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