I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
