Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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