plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
