Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
