I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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