we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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