So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
