Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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