Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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