Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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