2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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