I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
