the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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