i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
