I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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