i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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