Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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