I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
