dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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