I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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