Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
