Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
