Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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