At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
