if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college