the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.