Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door