lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.