Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha