On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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