thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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