I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hippo gnu deer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
