it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
