Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
