Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
