i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
