Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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