If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
