when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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